We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
