Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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