If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
