Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
