too bad you live with your parents still
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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