Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
