Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
