I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize