I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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