Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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