The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
