I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
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