She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
