dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
