I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
