I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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