Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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