You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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