The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
