I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
