saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She's the barista slut.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
