clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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