I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
We just shotgunned beers for America
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
