mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
