woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
