My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
