garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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