Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
