really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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