If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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