Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
