I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
