dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked