Texts From Last Night

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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am in a vortex of obligation.

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  (717): I am in a vortex of obligation. http://tfl.nu/iw17
  Replies (3) Good night (793) Bad night (1726)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  My brain says no but my pants say off.

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  (902): My brain says no but my pants say off. http://tfl.nu/syce
  Replies (7) Good night (5245) Bad night (870)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.

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  (509): went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down. http://tfl.nu/4560
  Replies (11) Good night (840) Bad night (3046)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong

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  (484): i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong http://tfl.nu/1mot
  Replies (21) Good night (1460) Bad night (4028)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.

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  (330): WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL. http://tfl.nu/0dj7
  Replies (12) Good night (5278) Bad night (997)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.

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  (316): As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on. http://tfl.nu/xyx3
  Replies (6) Good night (739) Bad night (3783)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.

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  (910): Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse. http://tfl.nu/i97p
  Replies (19) Good night (1062) Bad night (2552)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.

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  (270): I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk. http://tfl.nu/wgbm
  Replies (9) Good night (1820) Bad night (697)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.

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  (260): Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office. http://tfl.nu/3hhh
  Replies (4) Good night (1635) Bad night (730)
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  (707): View more from California

  After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.

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  (707): After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage. http://tfl.nu/9jeb
  Replies (3) Good night (1601) Bad night (573)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.

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  (763): I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down. http://tfl.nu/nif2
  Replies (8) Good night (661) Bad night (407)
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  (718): View more from New York

  He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina

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  (718): He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina http://tfl.nu/wn6v
  Replies (7) Good night (402) Bad night (888)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..

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  (918): You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man.. http://tfl.nu/8lw1
  Replies (1) Good night (309) Bad night (735)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.

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  (505): I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL. http://tfl.nu/q99g
  Replies (6) Good night (595) Bad night (490)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.

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  (314): I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order. http://tfl.nu/1zbf
  Replies (2) Good night (396) Bad night (270)

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