i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.