Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
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