And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
