don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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