Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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