Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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