So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
