Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
