Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
