I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
