If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
