hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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