dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
