two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
