Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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