yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
