Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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