Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
