I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
