You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
