this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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