when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
