my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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