y did u give ur computer a hand job?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
