when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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