Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
