Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
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He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
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I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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