I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
