The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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