Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
