Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
