White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
