I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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