Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
