so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
