I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
