I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
