i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
we're so committed to being not committed
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
