Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
