I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
