I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
