She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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